The 365 Plan
This Story is Based on Actual Events
Summary:
A man found himself in a desperate place. With courage and vulnerability, he brought his closest friends together and invited them to join him in what he called The 365 Plan.
““The 365 Plan is meant to be a year of presence with those you love.””
The Man with the Plan
More About the Man: Within himself he possessed love and he knew what he valued, but he simply could not change the circumstances around him. Throughout his life he was given the results of other people’s poor decisions. He felt stuck, alone and deeply in need. He personalized pain and knew something needed to be changed in and around him. That’s when he was given the 365 Plan. The plan was designed to help people feeling caught in the pain of the past and fear of the future and to provide within each of them a greater ability to be present with what’s in front of them.
the invitation:
“As you can imagine these last 5 months I have wrestled with shame, second guessed myself, and found myself feeling alone. I have felt stuck and in a deep rut. This plan is time sensitive and will create a sense of urgency. This is something I will commit to each day for the 365 days. The 365 Plan is meant to be a year of presence with those you love. Below are the details and what happens during and after the plan. Following the 365 days, I would like to come together for a celebration and time of reflection. This invitation welcomes your partnership by way of encouragement and if you're willing, to join in the adventure. This is not for everyone, so give it some thought.
Partnership: The urgency of time empowers each of us to move towards what we value while we can. We meet regularly, for a dedicated time to check in and remain committed to our values, support and love one another and share openly. We do our own work, but we're in this together and spur one another on. We give love away and accept that we have little time to keep score or hold reserves. It's like receiving the disarming news of terminal illness, where clarity comes and we simply hold to what matters most. It's not going to be comfortable. It’s what’s necessary.
After: When we come to the end of the full 365 days I'd like to go somewhere for 3 nights away to process, celebrate and reflect on the experience together. Specifically, what information and thoughts we have gained and what we left behind that year and most importantly, how we loved. The idea is to give away generously the love we have to those around us and to find the many ways each day we can love and receive the love around us while we still have the time. Each day counted as a gift.
I expect healing, transformation and our transcendent God to do what once seemed impossible in and through us regardless of the the outcome we fear.
Who's In?“
The Response
What would you do? Someone closest to you has given you what could possibly be the hardest thing you’ve ever done or maybe, just maybe the invitation of a lifetime. Would you regret committing to loving those in front of you well for one year? There are more questions than answers and the plan starts in less than one week!
It’s a big commitment, what if I fail? What will I find? Can I still serve from what feels like an empty vessel? The stakes are high and there’s risk involved. Then again, what if I don’t have 365 days?
I’m in!
Gifts from Week 1
We’re busy. If we’re not mindful we just move through meetings, conversations and tasks giving little thought to the opportunities before us. What steals our ability to present seems to be either the pain of the past including shame and mistakes, inner criticism or the fear of the future including performing in relationships, trying in constant anticipation of what could be too much or too little. In short, we’re desperately trying to say and do things right. The motivation is fear and it’s often robbing us of joy and laughter, peace, enjoyment and presence.
Summary of the first few days:
Sitting with friends and hearing each of them share about their lives. They’re opening their lives and I’m thankful to learn alongside each of them. We laugh, listen and it’s totally worth the time.
Challenges are being reframed as opportunities to work through, ask for help, the opportunity to tell myself the truth about the story I’m telling myself, forgive, live out of the truth of who I am and live and love generously.
Each person has their own set of expectations and challenges. Truly no person has it all figured out and we all wrestle at times with difficulties in life. Therefore, I am not alone and each of us needs compassion, mercy and grace.
I actually don’t need to make or keep people happy. Also, I don’t need my closest family, friends or others in community to make or keep me happy. When I attempt to achieve approval from others and not receive from my Creator alone what I need for my own wellbeing I find myself hooked and misled about who I am, where I belong, what my responsibilities are and what my boundaries are. My identity at it’s core is in my Creator and I belong to my Heavenly Father. Nobody gets to tell me who I am.
Each moment is a gift. These are sacred moments in time that will come and go.
“Gather ye rosebuds while ye may”
Metaphors from Week 2
Metaphors and Analogies can help make connections and here are two that have been particularly helpful.
1.) The fish fights feeling hooked, what may be the greatest struggle is the fear of letting go or being let go.
Who am I without the hook and what the hook represents to me through needs, identity, belonging, etc.? Will those around me leave me if I release the hook that I deeply clench biting down remaining intact.
I choose to let go, release the hook and simply be held by the river by the One that made me, knows me, holds me and loves me completely. Even through streams in what have felt like the desert, I surrender my need to control and the fear of being controlled. The river by designs gently receives me by and I am reminded that I am home, grounded always in the water.
2.) The hospital is a place built, staffed and equipped for diagnosis, treatment and for housing during the process. What’s being treated is important and the analogies are abundant including an allergic reaction, an infection, and the urgency for something that requires immediate attention and possible surgery. Who makes up your hospital? I’ve often heard the metaphor comparing the church to the hospital as Jesus said, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I came not to call the righteous, but sinners.” Do I see my need? How am I currently under-resourced?
I choose to share my needs vulnerably with those around me that I trust to help build, staff and equip my closest community for the housing during the process of healing. By God’s grace I have received the help of those around me through listening, for utmost dignity and Jesus compassion and for sharing life with me. Business leaders know the value of staffing to their weakness. We too, can help equip those around us to employ the true care we need. The community that is dedicated to care often works together and surprisingly receives cure. Consider the early church and their community, “And they devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. And awe came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were being done through the apostles. And all who believed were together and had all things in common. And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved.”
Abundant Realities from Week 3
A wise friend has explored This phrase, “When we share our lives with others, at some point things will be costly.”
He went on to share that when we share our lives with others at some point:
Things will be surprising, unexpected, even shocking.
Will require creativity, open-mindedness, and re-integration toward a "new normal."
Enlist hard work, diligence, and fidelity.
Will use emotional energy, and therefore will require deliberate "emotional re-filling" from all involved.
Our own traumas and the traumas of others will intrude, and cause unintended (and even intended) pain, betrayal, and injury.
We will experience and/or witness deep grief and loss.
We can acknowledge the situation including the heavy weight of confusion and how hard this has been. Let the person know we care and that we are here. We don’t actually need to perform, run, hide, or try to fix anything. We have the ability to show up and let our presence in their personal space speak the words they long to hear. Let us live courageously and speak the truth in love.
“Care is being with, crying out with, suffering with, feeling with.”
Reframing in Week 4
___________________________________________ is an integral part of my growth. As they are, whether there is change or not, this person, place or thing is an integral part of my growth. What a reframe!
Seeing the value and grace in mutual relationships with my family. We collectively benefit in unity with mutual relationships. These relationships are lacking in gossip, territorial behavior, division, etc. With mutuality there is inclusion, unity and the growth towards vulnerability and healing. Celebrate and enjoy the beauty in mutual relationships.
The Value of the Desert in Weeks 5-8
In life there are seasons that are dry and barren like the desert. The desert is the place of testing for preparation and to show us the truer state of our hearts. From within the desert we receive desert gifts, forged in this barren place (of abundance.) We are God’s beloved children. In life, through the temporary deserts and they are meant to be temporary, sojourner, He is with you, see you, knows you and is coming back to return you Home.
“The desert has a beautiful ecosystem that is rarely seen. But the one who looks finds life. And the desert is often the place where unseen things become seen.”
The Power of Hope in Weeks 9-10
Through struggle, loss and despair we can find ourselves isolated and then lied to. When doubt turns to unbelief we can begin to believe lies. These accusations are not only false, but they can take away from the faith, hope and love that resides within us.
Hope is not a beggar. Hope is the way to faith and with faith we exercise love.
Hope is good news to the poor, Liberty to the captives, recovering sight to the blind, and liberty to those who are oppressed.
“We have the power to believe where others deny, hope where others despair, to love where others hurt.”
What Story are You Telling Yourself?
Josh Neuer is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Greenville, SC. Josh helps individuals, families, businesses and communities receive hope and healing that literally changes the world! Josh is passionate about empowering meaningful change in people including growing communities and team cultures. He is the founder of Joshua Neuer, LLC Counseling, a committed husband and father, and is absolutely crazy about relationships!